So it’s been three weeks since baby Elka arrived in our world and so far I’ve discovered quite a few new things! Here are 15 of those things….

  1. Sometimes there’s just one too many press studs.
  2. Broken sleep is pretty much equivalent to quite a few back-to-back long haul flights. Except worse.
  3. Never say, ‘Yes, our baby’s sleeping quite well.’ This will place a significant jinx on your baby’s sleeping habits. This will result in more broken sleep. You might as well just punch yourself in the face.
  4. When you text your husband a shopping list of things to buy on his way home from work be mindful that your phone may convert ‘Wildberry Yoghurt’ into ‘Wilderbeest Yoghurt.’ This may result in your tired husband calling you from the supermarket because he can’t find the ‘Wilderbeest’ yoghurt. Oh dear.
  5. When you recover from laughing about the wilderbeest yoghurt incident you may find that more pelvic floor exercises are necessary.
  6. You may find that hours go past where all you seem to have done is kiss your beautiful baby and stare at her delicate feature, chubby thighs and lush skin.
  7. Although cabbage leaves are amazing for engorged breasts, you will smell like a compost heap.
  8. You are okay with smelling like a compost heap. You actually don’t even notice.
  9. If you feel confident enough to go to a wedding ceremony, make sure you stand near the closest exit just in case your baby starts crying and you need to leave quickly. VERY quickly.
  10. Don’t panic when you can’t get the pram back in the boot at the shopping centre. You can always leave the car there and walk home.
  11. It’s normal to feel a little bit glad when your baby wees on your partner, after all, you still have a bit of poo on your singlet from 4 hours ago.
  12. It’s best not to try your jeans on each morning just to check if they fit yet as this will not help your mood after broken sleep.
  13. If you breast feed in a different room during the night, perhaps leave your bedroom door open. This will prevent you walking into it in the middle of the night when your patience may be at a significant low point.
  14. At times, you may feel like you’re becoming one with the couch you breastfeed from, like one giant puddle of couch and bum, melding together, with your head on top.
  15. When previously you would have immediately sprayed and soaked an item that had wee on it (although this hadn’t ever happened before!), it’s now acceptable to cover it with a cushion.