We’re always so full of good intentions before we become parents, aren’t we?

“My child will never have a dummy. My child will eat a healthy, non-processed, completely homemade diet. My child will be well behaved and will share and will speak nicely at all times. But most of all, I will not be one of “those” mums that say all those clichéd lines!”

Ahhh, how naive we were! As we left the hospital with our first daughter we bought a dummy. She didn’t let go of it for another 2.5 years. We did manage to stop her from eating too much sugar until she was around 2 years, yet when our second daughter came along and started eating she got whatever she wanted, and whatever her big sister wanted. My daughters are well behaved overall but they are children and they throw tantrums and they refuse to share and sometimes are just outright… pests.

And guess what, I turned into one of “those” mums and started trotting out the usual lines:

1. “Because I said so!”

Image credit: Fowl Language Comics - https://www.fowllanguagecomics.com/comic/how-i-talk-to-my-kids/
Image credit: Fowl Language Comics

Let’s face it, the constant whinging and whining can be draining. The constant “I want!” and “but whyyyyyy?!?” can wear even the most patient parent down. I tried for so long to give logical and reasonable answers to each request but before long you end up cracking and breaking out the old “because I said so!” Because really, I’m tired, I’m over it and I can’t think of a good reason. It’s unavoidable really.

2. “When I count to three….”

Image credit: Fowl Language Comics
Image credit: Fowl Language Comics

It’s amazing that more children do not develop a fear of the number 3. I’ve lost count (ha!) of the amount of times I’ve started the good old “oooonnnee… twoooooo… two and a halllffffff…” with no real idea of what the consequence of getting to three will be.

“You better clean that up before I get to 3 or… or… I’m going to be very angry!”

I really need to work on effective consequences.

3. “Put on your shoes!!”

Image Credit: Fowl Language Comics
Image Credit: Fowl Language Comics

I mean, seriously, how long does it take to put on a pair of shoes?! Why do you not put them on when I first tell you to? Why do you need to get distracted by every single thing between the breakfast table and the front door? Why?!?!

If you invite me somewhere and I’m late I can almost 100% guarantee it’s because one of my daughters wouldn’t put her shoes on and got stuck reading or playing with a toy instead.

4. “Maybe you should go before we leave just in case”

Image credit: Fowl Language Comics
Image credit: Fowl Language Comics

It’s amazing how much of a parent’s life revolves around the toilet once their children reach a certain age.

“Do you need to go to the toilet? Have you been to the toilet yet? Did you do a wee or a poo? Did you wipe? Did you flush? Did you wash your hands?”

You know you’re in trouble when you start asking your partner if he flushed….

5. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you”

Image Credit: Fowl Language Comics
Image Credit: Fowl Language Comics

Because truthfully I couldn’t. They drive me crazy, I’ve lost half my brain cells and gained twice as many kilos and stretch marks, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I may have “failed” with all the good intentions I had before I had children but I’m raising them the best I can. If that means bringing out some well-worn “mum phrases” then so be it!